Are You Ready To See My Worst Side?
Social media is designed to only show our best side. In fact, it's designed to show our better than best side; with the filters, and the lenses, and the bitmojis, and the augmented reality. Because "internet celebrity" is now considered a real career option for some people, it makes showing off real life less appealing. Who wants to see another picture of my office desk, when they could be looking at someone's exotic vacation, or better yet puppies? So we all fall into the trap of only posting pictures of pretty sunsets or the puppy face Snapchat filter. At least that's what I did.
Over the past fall and winter my life has been flipped upside down. At first I didn't know how to handle it. I have been specific in what I posted to social media, which was really only Instagram. Carefully attempting to show everyone that my life was still normal. I have avoided my blog because I have been scared to write the truth. But the truth is I have not been ok. The truth is my husband had an affair and left me. And so for the past five months I have been living with friends, with my entire life being able to fit into a 5x5 storage unit, all while I trying to get my life and emotions back under control. It has been the worst. It has been full of tears, and anger, and pain, and bitterness, and confusion, and disappointment, and rejection, and loss, and helplessness.
But one thing that I should have felt with this that I haven’t felt is loneliness. God has been so faithful in this time. He has placed so many amazing friends in my life that have been here for me everyday. They've taken me in, given me a place to sleep, and given me food to eat. Everyone understood that some days I wanted to talk about it and some days I just didn't. My family has been so supportive listening to me over the phone on my bad days and good. My parents even made a few last minute drives from PA to help me get through certain situations that I couldn't handle on my own. And my church family has surrounded me, reminding me that I could never truly be alone. God found me a support group and a therapist to help me process the thoughts that would have suffocated my brain. I learned that healing comes from talking about what you feel. And so my strength has grown.
There is an upside to putting your best life on the internet, though. Forcing myself to purposely post good things on my social media also forced myself to purposely do things that made me happy, whether it was hiking, bowling, movie nights, road trips, or crafting. Looking back at the pictures that I have taken and the memories that I have made, these past few months have not been so bad. I think that also has been important in my growth, to make such good memories in a time that could be so bad.
I've learned not to focus on the negativity of the past five months and that is why I am keeping this post short. But for all my friends and family who read this, I wanted you to know what has happened so that I can close this chapter. I really am looking forward to what is coming and as I think you will soon see, I am going to be writing on here much more often again.
(I knooow, I say that EVERY time😉)
~Bethany
Over the past fall and winter my life has been flipped upside down. At first I didn't know how to handle it. I have been specific in what I posted to social media, which was really only Instagram. Carefully attempting to show everyone that my life was still normal. I have avoided my blog because I have been scared to write the truth. But the truth is I have not been ok. The truth is my husband had an affair and left me. And so for the past five months I have been living with friends, with my entire life being able to fit into a 5x5 storage unit, all while I trying to get my life and emotions back under control. It has been the worst. It has been full of tears, and anger, and pain, and bitterness, and confusion, and disappointment, and rejection, and loss, and helplessness.
But one thing that I should have felt with this that I haven’t felt is loneliness. God has been so faithful in this time. He has placed so many amazing friends in my life that have been here for me everyday. They've taken me in, given me a place to sleep, and given me food to eat. Everyone understood that some days I wanted to talk about it and some days I just didn't. My family has been so supportive listening to me over the phone on my bad days and good. My parents even made a few last minute drives from PA to help me get through certain situations that I couldn't handle on my own. And my church family has surrounded me, reminding me that I could never truly be alone. God found me a support group and a therapist to help me process the thoughts that would have suffocated my brain. I learned that healing comes from talking about what you feel. And so my strength has grown.
 |
| Me with most of my life packed in my car. |
I've learned not to focus on the negativity of the past five months and that is why I am keeping this post short. But for all my friends and family who read this, I wanted you to know what has happened so that I can close this chapter. I really am looking forward to what is coming and as I think you will soon see, I am going to be writing on here much more often again.
(I knooow, I say that EVERY time😉)
~Bethany
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